Back From the Dead: The Interviews!
by The Devil Deity
Summary: Cucco's fly and Neds die as The Inteviews go on! Join me, Kenrai and others as I recall the trouble of finding decent stars amongst Nintendo and more! See Ness smacked out a skylight! Watch Link foil a Cucco plot! The thing's I never wanted you to see!
1. Chapter 1

**The Interviews**

**Hey y'all! The Devil Deity here. I decided to do a few of The Interviews so that I get through more of my numerous Fanfics quicker. The Interviews is merely a side-story and I am in no way big-headed. I only put me in this story because I needed to interview the candidates. Anyhoo here we go!**

**10:00 AM**

"OK, this is The Devil Deity starting interviews Monday 22nd." I said, talking into the recorder. "OK first interview is a Pikachu. Come in!" The door opened, and in came a yellow rodent. My co-worker, Kenrai, proceeded to kick the rat several times before I told him that we were NOT being attacked by The Annoyance Clan and this was an applicant.

"Oh…. sorry." Kenrai's said, sinking into his chair. I knew very well he longed to kill the rodent.

"Pika!" I looked amazed.

"What?"

"PIKA!" The rat asked. I sighed. Ten minutes into this and I was dreading the next applicant.

"Someone get a translator!" I called. A few minutes a creepy guy with specks came into the room.

"What's he saying?" the man listened to the pokemon's squeaks.

"It says it's OK."

"Good. Then we-" I stopped as I saw Kenrai's knuckles were pure white. He was struggling to not kick the animal to death.

"We can begin." The animal nodded. I leaned on the desk

"Why do you want a part in Back from the Dead?" The rodent stood on its toes and punctuated a few crude sentences in 'Pika's' and 'Pikachu's'. The translator spoke.

"It says its games have gone down the tubes since all you did was catch Pokemon. It needs a decent role." I nodded. Kenrai mumbled under his breath:

"No bloody wonder."

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing." This time Kenrai spoke in my stead.

"If you WERE to get a part in Back from the Dead, what would you want in return?" This question would be important, since I was on a tight budget. The usual line of 'Pika's' came.

"He says he want a barrel of Malt to drink." Kenrai fell of his chair, and I struggled to remain cordial.

"Ever since Fire-Red and Leaf-Green flopped in the gaming market, he says he became an alcoholic." Added the translator. I considered letting a rat in. but then I realized the rest of the cast would walk out before acting with a thing this annoying. Finally I gave the verdict:

"Sorry Pikachu. I must deny your application." Pikachu sighed sadly before leaving along with the translator. As soon as the door closed Kenrai punched me on the arm. I rubbed as he yelled:

"Why couldn't I kill him!" I dismissed his question and yelled:

"NEXT!"

**I know this is short but most of these will be anyway. Read& Review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Two chapter's in one day! Praise me, for I am generous!**

**10:13**

"Interview Two starting now." I stated. I sipped my coffee as Kenrai started reading 'Cucco Watchers Monthly.'

"Come in." In came Link, clad in the finest armour I'd ever seen. He closed the door quietly, tip-toeing about the room (that music from cartoons when some one creeps about plays in the background.) He hid behind a plant, then behind a minder I hired after Kenrai nearly choked on a piece of cheddar cheese before he finally sat on the chair, his armour rustling quietly.

"Erm… why are you doing and wearing that?" I asked. Kenrai didn't even look up from 'Cucco Watchers Monthly.' Link looked warily around the room before stating:

"It was the Cucco's…. they forced me to this extreme." I made an effort not to laugh.

"OK. So anyways-" I began but Link interrupted me, putting his index finger to his lips.

"Shhhhh." Silently he crept to the plant-pot, Megaton Hammer at the ready. Sure enough, there was a Cucco behind it. Bringing the Megaton Hammer down quickly, he trumpeted:

"ROFL! I OWNED J00 SCUM!" A surprised squawk and a puff of feathers flew into the air. I stared, trying not to laugh and not to be sick. Link walked to the table and sat down.

"Ok then, Mr Biden why-" I was interrupted again, this time by Kenrai.

"O MY G O D ZEE! IT'S LINK! CAN I HAVE J00R HAT!" A smack with the Master Sword was the answer. Kenrai rose from the floor.

"He touched me with the Master Sword!" was all he could say before fainting. I sighed.

"Mr Biden. Why do you want a part in Back from The Cucc- I mean… Dead? Hmmmyes…." I said. Link scratched his head.

"Well I decided to take a break from the gaming world to take a acting job." Kenrai got up and sat on his seat.

"What would-" I was interrupted for the third time during ten minutes. I was getting rather irritated now. Link rose from the seat and walked over to the minder before looking at his back. A zip extended from his head to his mid-section. He unzipped it.

"What you doing? Don't-" the skin of the minder fell away to reveal a Cucco on stilts speaking into a voice changer. The Cucco farted before the voice-changer said:

"Shit." A squawk followed. Kenrai raised his magazine to show me a picture of the world's largest Cucco when the Cucco Link had smashed with the Megaton Hammer went flying through the magazine, going so fast that around the gaping hole little flames started.

"NUUUUU! I'VE BEEN PWNAZORD!" Yelled Kenrai. I laughed loudly as Link sat down.

"As I was saying- if you were to get a part what would you want?" Link stared at his Megaton Hammer before saying:

"AN ULTRA HAMMER!" I smiled.

"That we could do. Is that it?" Link nodded. I immediately signed him up. After he signed the contract he grabbed his Longshot before hooking the window and jumping away.

"NEXT!" I yelled as Kenrai stared at his magazine in despair.

**I dedicate this to Kenrai. 'Nuff said.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Finally back to work on this with egging on by Croc. But enough. Here's the third interview!**

11 am

"Interview three starting now," I said, hoping that the next candidate was at least sane. Kenrai was busy looking at a copy of NOM, staring at Twilight Princess, wanting to so badly play it, to revel in its kick-ass graphics… I quickly got the prospect of getting that mouth-watering game. Steeling myself, I yelled:

"Come in." The door opened and closed, but no-body entered. Puzzled, I go up and walked to the ajar door. All I saw was eager game characters the world over sitting on chairs or fighting each other to get closer. Suddenly the sound of faint laughter filled my ears, one that sounded eerily familiar. A thought struck me, and I ran and tackled Kenrai, knocking him of his seat and sending his copy of NOM flying through the air.

"Hey, what the-!" But he was cut of by a great crash and the trademark evil laugh of-

"Master Hand!" I yelled. Kenrai looked in despair at the NOM, which was buried under a pile of rubble.

"Maaaggg…." I sighed. I'd been doing that a lot recently.

"Maaaaaaaggg…" Kenrai's face turned crimson, then he grabbed a Home-Run bat before growling:

"RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!" He leapt at Master Hand, who was still doing a cheesy evil laugh, but I pulled him back in mid-air, resulting him being a bit choked. He struggled, so I took out some chloroform. At once he fell silent. I looked at Master Hand, who was still laughing. I groaned.

"That was hardly appropriate, Master Hand. Destroying my roof." At once the great glove stopped laughing and mumbled:

"Sorry." Examining the damage, I nearly wept. The entire roof had been destroyed. I growled:

"This is coming out your pay if you get a part." I then _ahemed! _before starting the Interview.

"Why do you wan a part in BFTD?" I said, sitting down before reaching for a Danish. Master Hand then stated, in a remarkably Ian Mc Kellen-like voice:

"I need to increase my profile, Dear Deity. I've featured in three games. Need I say anymore?" The voice must have woke Kenrai, for he sat up saying:

"What happened? How did-" He was cut of by the chloroform again, and his head banged of the floor. Master Hand laughed yet again, prompting him being hit by the Danish. He stopped. I asked quickly:

"What do you want from me if I gave you a part?" Master Hand hummed for a while. He would have scratched his chin if he had one.

"To be in Brawl!" He exclaimed suddenly, making me topple back in surprise. I got up while saying:

"Well I call j00 back if you get a part. Bye!" Master Hand did his usual cheesy laugh before flying out the left wall, destroying it in the process. I sighed again as Kenrai woke.

"We need a new studio. And I need a new career."

**There j00 go Croc and Kenrai. Nuff said.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Since I want Croc to contuinue CJ's Mistake I'm workin' on The Interviews. Ok?**

**1:42**

"OK. After repairing the roof and checking Kenrai into a clinic with chloroforbia The Interviews will now commence... again." I repeated as I had the past... three times. It amazed me that, in two hours and forty-two minutes I have got only three inteviews done. But now, I was already comtemplating on how to get ready for the insanity about to riot. Steeling myself, me and my new, busty (lol:P)assistant named Lyn, called:

"Enter! And grovel!" A caucasion man with black hair and an unfeasibly large chin entered the room. He had a red top decorated with palm trees and blue jeans, as well as a pair of brown shoes. He pulled the chair away from the desk and sat down.

"Oowh riiiight. I need a job now Family Guy's finished. Giggety!" He said, looking around the room with a cheesy smile.

"Hey Quagmire! I wondered when the first non-Nintendo character would come here." I said aloud. Quagmire's eye fell upon Lyn, who was smiling sweetly. He seemed to be observing, instead of her face, her bre-

"Erm...hello?" I asked, bringing Quagmire back to reality. His face was a bit of a scowl but nothing more. I asked:

"What do you want if I did give you a part in Back from the Dead?" Quagmire thought about that for a moment, before saying:

"Well, I'd just want a few birds to keep compony. Giggety Giggety goo!" I nodded, assuming it was budgies he wanted. At that moment the comment I had dreaded was said, surprisingly, by Lyn:

" I need to go to the toilet. Here's some pepper spray incase the evil monkey attacks you again." She pulled out a can from between her... bodice. I stared at the closet fearfully, watching the evil monkey bare it's teeth and point at me evilly. She got up and walked out the open door. Quarmire stared at her ass as she walked away.

"Excuse me but... I need to get something from the uhh...car. Giggety Giggety Goo!" He ran out the door, but I was suspicious, so I followed him. He actually followed Lyn to the bathroom. He entered a bit after her. Any self-respecting person would not enter, so I decided to stake out.

I the bathroom, Lyn was in a cubicle. She went into the toilet. Once the cubicle door was firmly locked she heard another person enter. As she was taking down her skirt she heard a noise about her that sounded like a muffled 'Giggety'. She shrugged and was about to do it when another muffled 'Giggety' came from above.

She shrugged again and was about to when this time a shout came:

"Oh for Pete's sake just take it off, j00 n00b!" Lyn looked up and screamed. She saw Quagmire suspended above her. She quickly pulled up her skirt and ran, Quagmire following her. Lyn fled the bathroom, a demented 'Giggety' coming from behind her.

"M3h." I shrugged. "B3tt3r h3r than me!" Suddenly Titan Hand(tm) flew across the hallway. "Oh no..." I said, turning around, attempting to run away, But Titan Hand boom picked me up and, with many screams from you'rs truly, flung me across the room, still screaming like a bitch. I smahed Quagmire, smacking him on his already enormous chin. He flew out an open window. Car horns blared, followed by an explosion and a scream. After that I stood up, staggering. Lyn had already left. I called, holding my throbbing head:

"Interviews supended until... I get an aspirin." And with that, I fainted.

**There ye go, Croc, Kenrai.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Why did I have to be the star of this… oh wait because I'm the author of Back From the Dead. ;p. But jeez. Look what happened when I interviewed Goku!**

**4:21 am**

_Damn that bastard Quagmire, _I said to myself. Along with him and Titan Hand I had been left with concussion for 3 hours. Kenrai had gone to buy a new copy of NOM, and I was stuck to interview the next misfit. Steeling myself, and grabbing a capsule of nerve pills, I grimaced:

"Come in, whoever you are." The door opened, and a man about 25 years old came in, wielding a tray of meat pies in one hand and yet more pies piled into a small tower in his other. He had black hair, black boots and orange tunic. Seating his pies on either side of his chair, he sat down with a expression of happy idiocy on his face. Wondering if this one would be insane, I asked:

"Ok, tell me your name, why ye want a part in Back From The Dead and what do you want from me?" Wanting to get this over and done with so I could play Twilight Princess.

"I'm Goku, and I come from the Planet Saiyan!" An awkward silence ensued, before I started to laugh. I laughed until my sides began to split. Goku looked at me quizzically.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh nothing." I said, struggling to hold in my laughter. "So alien, why do you want a part in BFTD?" Goku gave a smile before saying:

"Well, I fancy a change of scenery. I also need a break away from that bighead Veggie and my sons Goten and Gohan."

_Jesus F. Christ, that was quick, _I thought to myself. Adopting a formal tone, I asked:

"Well, if ye need a change of scenery, why not go to the Bahamas'?" Goku's face went slightly less welcoming.

"Ok, I need the money to feed my kids." He pulled out two largely pixeled pictures of two young boys. One had black hair and a purple all-body tunic, the other a young looking Goku.

"No, that second one looks a low-quality picture of yourself." Goku smiled.

"So do I get the part?" I thought for a moment. Finally I ended up saying:

"If I say yes, are you going to ask for pies?" Goku's grin grew wider.

"YES!!"

"Then I'll call ye back and…. Well, I'll tell you if ye have a part." Goku suddenly became engulfed in a yellow aura, rose from his chair by way of floating, and burst from the room, crashed through the roof, sending debris flying everywhere.

"I-" I began, choking on the dust. "I gotta get an insanity test."

**HIYEE! There j00 go Croc.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Not done this in a while, have I?**

**6:00 PM**

"Ok, this The Devil Deity signing out on Day 1 of the interviews."

I felt weary and sick even as I mouthed the ghastly words. A single day into this job and I already felt like I was dead. I trembled slightly as I turned of the light, plunging the room- and entire complex- into darkness. Sighing, I took my coat, closed the door, and locked it. I stumbled home, wondering if tomorrow would be this insane. Simply grabbing a huge bowl of ice-cream and a4 litre bottle of Fanta, as well as a lifetime supply of nerve tonic, I sat in front of the T:V, watching Judge Judy and CSI. And before I could empty my beloved Fanta, I had wandered into sleep.

_I sat in an endless purple shifting void, sitting their wondering if I had died. Suddenly a giant of a man in black armour with a long ragged cape appeared in front of me. Looking at my Fanta bottle with puzzlement, I tossed it away, saying:_

"_Wow, that's good shit."_

_The man started acting like a retarded ghost, saying 'Wooooo…' over and over again. I suddenly began to laugh and said:_

"_Grandpa?"_

_The figure immediately stopped with a look of indignation on his face, before he pointed to himself and proclaiming:_

"_No, you fool. It's me!" He struck a heroic and evil pose. Familiarity crossed my face._

"_Grandpa, you need your pills."_

_The figure raised his arms in irritation before yelling:_

"_No, I'm Spinta, The Vespetillios!" I looked at him carelessly, thinking he was high on mushrooms. A creepy music played in the background as the now-named Spinta adopted his old ghost act before saying:_

"_If yoooou stay at thiiis gaaameee… then yoooou will looose eveeerrrythinggg!"_

_Horror engulfed my face as I thought of the possibility. _

"_Even my Nintendo Wii?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Even my home?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Even my… Fanta?"_

"_Yesss!"_

_A new thought came to my head, and I smiled._

"_Even my sexuality?"_

_The dark and creepy music abruptly halted, like it did in the cartoons. Spinta dropped his arms and said in an odd tone:_

"_Um… no."_

"_Ok then, I'm cool."_

_A scowl crossed Spinta's features. His red eyes glowed ominously, and he fought the words past gritted teeth._

"_Humph. Ok, you win this round. I'll get you someday!" And, along with the dream, he vanished._


End file.
